


do you remember ████?

by erythea



Category: Fate/Grand Order
Genre: Canon-Typical Behavior, Not Beta Read, Other, Pining, ash might be too boyfriend material idk, someone almost strips and it's horny, they/them pronouns for kama, which really just means kama is kama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:07:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27013996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erythea/pseuds/erythea
Summary: “Master.”Kama reaches for the straps tied at the nape of their neck and slowly tugs them loose.“Could you be a dear and help me put on my sunscreen?”The voice that replies sounds like clouds of ash.“Uh… Lord Kama, our Master went off to buy shaved ice with Karna and Lord Ganesha.”An avatar of Shiva.“Oh, it's you.” Kama draws the straps back tight. “Forget the sunscreen, then. What's a little sunburn? I've had worse.”It’s a great day at the beach, and Kama hates it.
Relationships: Ashwatthama | Archer/Kama | Assassin
Comments: 12
Kudos: 33





	do you remember ████?

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by pixiv, _completely_ self-indulgent, but then it was 4AM and I started losing brain cells toward the end. Hopefully it makes sense. I just wanted this out of my system. Something, something, Kama/Ash OTP.
> 
> 10/16/2020: Fixed a paragraph toward the end that was bothering me.

Blue skies and warm sands flood Kama’s senses on their first summer day, and they feel nothing but a sense of overwhelming dread. The sun is shining! It’s like Parvati on steroids. The sun is shining! It’s like seeing Sigurd and Brynhildr on their wedding anniversary. The sun is shining! It’s like watching that red Archer fend off three girls with the same goddamn face.

It’s a great day at the beach, and Kama hates it.

They try to be optimistic. For one, the birds aren’t singing. That’s the sound of seagulls trying to steal the tin Musashi badges off Osakabehime’s messenger bag, which are definitely worse than songbirds, but them attacking a shut-in is infinitely better than them attacking Kama with a slice of strawberry cake.

Second, Ritsuka is here. They’re twisted enough to be Kama’s Master, but that doesn’t mean Kama has to behave. Ritsuka said Kama’s schedule was free today, so what better way to pass their time than seduce a pure, sweet mage to the dark side? Kama’s devious mind comes up with another brilliant plan. Their swimsuit is sensual. Their soft skin is divine. They call for Ritsuka, and their voice melts like sugar.

“Master.”

They reach for the straps tied at the nape of their neck and slowly tug them loose.

“Could you be a dear and help me put on my sunscreen?”

The voice that replies sounds like clouds of ash.

“Uh… Lord Kama, our Master went off to buy shaved ice with Karna and Lord Ganesha.”

An avatar of Shiva.

“Oh, it's you.” Kama draws the straps back tight. “Forget the sunscreen, then. What's a little sunburn? I've had worse.”

Kama remembers the feeling — fire, then pain. Shiva opened his third eye, and the rest was lost to the cosmos. The man next to Kama is in no position to deny that. From the corner of their eye, Kama watches him squirm and takes pleasure in it. He deserves it. Insolent fool.

“Not gonna join 'em?” He’s half awkward, half something they can’t name. “You like sweets, doncha?”

Kama sputters. “Where did you— Have you been listening to Parvati’s drivel again?”

Wait. When Kama thinks about it, they figure Parvati, loving wife of Shiva and mother of his children, couldn’t care less. It must be those brats spreading rumors about them. In case this ever happened, Kama committed each of their names to memory — Jack, the one who likes knives; Paul Bunyan, the one who likes pancakes; and Nursery Rhyme, the one who likes Snickers, snacks, and things that go snicker-snack. They haven’t seen evil Kama yet, but oh, they _will_ pay. Kama mentally puts the names on their list, nestling them right under Ritsuka. Yes, Fujimaru Ritsuka. The Master who went to buy shaved ice without them.

“No, I'm not upset they forgot about me,” Kama lies. “And I _don’t_ like sweets. I like it here.”

A beat. They start distracting themself with a lock of their hair.

“Well, no. I hate it, actually. But there's nothing else better to do, so I guess that makes it closer to perfect. I don't know about you, but I've always wanted a break. Being alone, doing nothing — it’s the best vacation I could ever have.”

They’re newer to Chaldea, this avatar of Shiva. He was on the Kaurava side of the war, Kama thinks. A Maharathi. Kama thinks they were one too, but they don’t feel the memories the same way. Anyway, he talks again. “Nothin’ wrong with doing nothin’. You’ve been working hard.”

Kama’s eyes widen in surprise. Their face scrunches up in confusion. They don’t face the warrior, and they still don’t answer.

A huff isn’t an answer.

“You gonna stay here all day?” the warrior asks.

“Yeah.” The words tug Kama’s lips into a wry smile. Yeah, Kama thinks that’s what they came to do. Lie under this umbrella and stew in the shadows. ████ is like a flame, and nothing good ever comes out of playing with fire.

He’s like fire, too. Shiva’s aura radiates from his Saint Graph and it makes Kama sick to their core. It’s hot and suffocating. But it’s also warm. So warm, and so gentle, and Kama thinks they might make the mistake of touching it.

So their smile is sweeter. Colder.

“You don't want to stay with boring ol' me, right? It's okay. You don’t have to be shy! I know muscleheads like you just want to play volleyball and punch sharks and whatever it is humans do on the beach.”

The man can’t help his language. “What the hell do you think humans are?”

Oversized cockroaches, of course. The librarian with cow tits lent Kama a book about a human turning into one, and it was pretty funny. Things are often funny when they’re true.

Kama gives Shiva’s Cockroach a dismissive wave of their hand. “Oh, don’t get caught up in the details, dear. Aren’t I a generous god? Now shoo, shoo. Go do whatever you want. You have Lord Kama's permission.”

Kama is then reminded that they lack authority over anything that’s worshipped a lingam, because the cockroach ignores this. He hums, the sound mellow in his throat and feather-light in their ears.

“Nah, I think I'll stay here. Yan Qing said he and the guys were gonna play volleyball later…” And here, Kama hears his smile: “But being with you's just as good.”

Good.

“I—”

Warm, gentle, and good.

“You—”

Good, good, good. No one ever told them ████ was good.

Kama shoves the goodness back.

“As you can see, _avatar of Shiva_ ,” they say with knitted brows and gritted teeth. “I'm having the time of my life right now. Can't you take a hint and leave?”

Shiva’s Cock has the gall to laugh, his eyes like stars and his smile like the moon. “Heh! With all due respect, Lord Kama, you suck at lying, so I don't really buy that. And I got a name, you know. The least you could do is use it.”

Kama turns as pink as a petal.

“Getting cheeky now, aren't you?” they snap back.

Kama can use his name whenever they want. Stupid man. It’s not like _they_ don’t know it. Of course they know it.

Son of Drona. Commander of the Kaurava army. One of the eight Chiranjivi cursed by their father to walk this earth alone for three millennia.

Lifetimes ago, Kama taught Arjuna’s brothers everything they knew.

But when Kama sees their mortal enemy now, they can barely even aim.

They pretend to.

“Maybe I'm saving your name for under the sheets. You’d like that, right?”

Kama crawls toward him, the words coated in sugar and rose water. They press their soft breasts against his broad, hard chest, one arm over his shoulder as they tug their top loose and let their flesh hold it together. Their plush, pink lips are inches away from his skin when they bring their voice to a whisper: “Don:t worry. I'll make it sound so sweet.”

Shiva’s aura still burns within him, but if it trembles under Kama’s hips, Kama thinks they can manage.

It doesn’t.

Ashwatthama pushes Kama away.

“Hey, quit it. It's not funny, okay? You can’t just— Here, I’ll get it.”

Ashwatthama gathers them in his arms again before it hurts. He brings them close before their chests have the chance to part, holding the fabric between them in place. Like this, he ties Kama’s top back together the clumsy way boys do. Like this, his voice is warm against Kama’s ear, his tone firm but kind. Like this, Kama learns that he smells like incense and feels like a name they’ve lost to nothing but time.

“I don’t get you, Lord Kama. First you push me away, then you…” He sighs and shakes his head. His hair and his breath tickle Kama’s shoulder. “Look, just tell me what you want, alright? If you want me gone, I’m gone. You ain’t gotta tell me nothin’ else.”

When Ashwatthama finishes and pulls away, Kama huffs and pouts at their parting. Gone? Kama hates gods. Why would they hate a human the same way?

“My body’s always honest. It’s not my fault you don’t want to have fun.”

Kama doesn’t understand him. Having fun is better than confronting anything at all.

Oh, wait. Is that it? Kama smirks as they try to salvage this.

“It must be the Shiva in you. I didn't take you for the pure type. How adorable. Did you want to hold hands first?”

Kama chuckles. Humans like to bog themselves down with things like morals and emotions. What? Did Ashwatthama think a fool like him could get ████ like that? By being earnest, patient, and kind? Idiot.

He already had ████.

He had so much ████.

Kama wants to ████ him until he burns to a crisp.

To ████ him until they’ve severed him from Shiva, blessings and all.

To ████ him until they can protect him from all the evils of this world.

“Wanna give it a shot?”

So Kama doesn’t know what this is.

“What are you—”

His large hand takes Kama’s, his fingers lacing with their own, and Kama’s face colors like a lotus flower in full bloom. What is this? No one told them about this. Stop, stop, stop. Kama feels the warmth between their fingers and it burns _pleasantly_ , which is even _worse_.

“This what you want?” he asks like he doesn’t know what he’s doing. “Damn, your hands are really small…”

Kama whimpers with the dignity of Ganesha’s mouse. “Y-yours are too big.”

“What?”

“I said,” Kama says louder than usual. “It's this vessel's fault, obviously.”

Briefly, Kama wonders which he prefers. They don't know why they're curious. It's always Parvati. He's paid more attention to Parvati than Shiva ever did in his entire life, so of course it's Parvati. No one in their right mind would choose something terrible like ████ over anything else.

Ashwatthama seems to roll a different thought around in his head. “You and Lady Parvati have the same vessel, but I've never done this with her before…”

The thought of _that_ gets a chuckle out of Kama. What? Never with Parvati? So they’re his first? Kama’s wise enough to keep the thought to themself.

First!

“Oh? Planning to cuckold the god of destruction, are you?”

It’s Ashwatthama’s turn to blush. “It's not like that!”

Kama laughs until the mirth reaches their eyes, and for a moment, they forget why they were upset in the first place.

“You know, Lord Kama,” Ashwatthama says once they’ve settled down, still holding Kama’s hand. “It's okay to be angry. Sometimes the world is unfair, and you gotta get angry to set things right. But you can't let it eat you up inside… Or you'll end up doing things you'll regret.”

Kama’s in half a mood to listen. “And what do I have to lose?”

“That's somethin’ you gotta figure out. Sometimes we think we don’t got any, but we always do. Even you've got things important to ya. People.” He shrugs as he looks at the sea, his gaze beyond the horizon. “I don't want nobody losin’ anything else.”

“An avatar of Shiva!” Kama exclaimed. “Worried about me!”

“I ain't Lord Shiva!”

The shout startles and scatters the beachgoers around them. 

“I ain't Lord Shiva,” he quietly repeats, and this time, Kama can believe him. “Ain't nothin' to be proud of… but you'd rather listen to a dumb warrior than any other god, yeah?”

“Disgraced warrior,” Kama corrects without meaning to. They purse their lips. “Well… I suppose it’s better than… You know. Ugh, I can't believe I'm being lectured by a human.”

Ashwatthama wrinkles his nose. “Master lectures you, too.”

“Yeah, but you're not like the others—” No. That’s so cliché. Stupid. Kama tosses their hair and crosses their arms. “I mean, whatever. It doesn't matter.”

Ashwatthama makes that soothing sound with his throat again and Kama can’t stand it. “If you say so. You feeling better?”

“I'm still angry at Shiva, if that's what you want to know.”

“Haha! That's fine. But if you ever get tired of being angry, just tell me.” Again with the smile like the moon and the stars and the galaxies that stretch out toward infinity. “I'll be angry at Lord Shiva for ya!”

Kama feels their ears grow hotter than the sun.

“You think you're so smooth, don't you? Whose side are you even on?” But Kama softens in his grasp, gives his hand a squeeze, and their voice blends into the sound of the rolling waves. “I _am_ in a better mood than before, so… thank you.”

Kama ducks their head down, shy to meet his eyes. They’re certain they’ve made an absolute fool out of themself today, but after all is said and done, they suppose Ashwatthama, son of Drona, commander of the Kaurava army, and conqueror of ████ isn’t as bad as they thought he’d be.

… _Conqueror of ████_? Kama mouths the words to themself. Disgusting. They deeply consider playing a few pranks on Parvati later to bleach their mind. But before their brain can perform a hard reset, Ashwatthama does something completely unexpected.

He pokes Kama in the cheek.

“W-what are you doing?!”

Kama leans back and holds the side of their face with their free hand. They haven’t even kissed, but Kama feels their heart soar higher than it ever has. There must be a mistake. _They’re_ the god of ████. No one else knows how to ████. But he touched them. He talked to them. He’s _smiling at them_ , and it's more comfort than they've ever known. Was this ████? Would he tell them if it was?

Kama blushes madder red as they lose the ability to count. Stupid, stupid. This isn’t real. Right now, Kama is sure of only three things.

“Haha, sorry. You looked cute.”

That’s not something you should say to a god.

“Cute…?”

And that’s not what a god’s supposed to sound like.

Kama’s not cute. Kama is evil and ugly and all that is bad. He shouldn’t tell them nice things. He shouldn’t tell them things that aren’t true. He’ll just make Kama want to hear them.

He does it again, and they’ve had it.

“Hey, look. Someone's selling popsicles. You like strawberry, right? I'll just—”

Kama tugs Ashwatthama back down before he runs, and he unceremoniously lands back on the beach blankets.

“Hey, hey.” Kama keeps their tone as light as it is threatening. “I didn't give you permission to leave, did I?”

Ashwatthama winces. “No, Lord Kama.”

_ Lord Kama.  _ He always calls them that, but the way it sounds now makes them preen.

The sky is blue. The sands are warm. It’s a great day at the beach.

“Stay. Your friend with the tattoos can wait, can’t he?”

“I guess?” Ashwatthama sits up and mumbles something about Kama knowing Yan Qing’s name, but they don’t really care. “You sure you don't need anything else? Shaved ice? Anything?”

Kama thinks about this. They could ask Ashwatthama to help them with their sunscreen. They could ask him to fetch them the biggest, sweetest cup of shaved ice Paracelsus has to offer. But when Kama feels the warmth of someone’s hand for the first time, they think they can soon place a name to a feeling.

They finally say it.

“It’s fine, Ashwatthama.”

For once, they don’t feel greedy.

“I feel much cooler already.”

They don’t want to lose anything else.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/erythean) if you like!


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